I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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