We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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