We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
