More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
