Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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