I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So many bounce houses so little time
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
