i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
