He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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