Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
