He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
