btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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