youre lurking in front of me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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