i think my tv is drunk
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
