So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
