wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
