Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
