yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
