Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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