I'm drive I can fine osifer
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
