I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
