When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
