she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you had me at cake vodka
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
