this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
