just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
