In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How naked do you want me to be?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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