Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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