you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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