Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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