I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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