Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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