I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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