oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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