it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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