My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
