she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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