your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i came on her dog
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
