Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
