i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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