You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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