Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
