Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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