it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
