i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
