Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
