So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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