I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
