she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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