I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
3 2 1 whiskey
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
