well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
