When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
